Event o’ The Week: Da VMAs Quick Recap

 

Unless you live under a rock or have been on a drug binge a la Lamar Odom, you clearly have seen or peeped all or some of the VMAs from Sunday Night. Because of all the hoopla, GASP gives a quick rundown of the ppl who need to:

Do More

Do Less

Do…An Adequate Amount:

DO MORE:

The signs sum it up for me here.

The signs sum it up for me here.

Fact: I am a fan of Katy Perry and her music and her balcony

Why she needs to do more: The performance was hyped up for madddddd long previously before the show was set to air. Hence drawing up my interests and counting down until KP would rock the stage some. Welp, this never came unfortunately. The whole boxing scene was super lame, uber-forced, and did not do the justice of how great the song truly is. ‘Roar’ as a song in and of itself, rules. Plain & simple. BUT, the performance lacked the energy and fiercness I was looking for. WOMP.

The essence of :15 seconds of fame

The essence of :15 seconds of fame

Fact: NSYNC as a boy band is phenom and only #2 to BSB

Why they need to do more: Um, they were on stage for literally 12 seconds give or take a few milliseconds. WTF? Yet another thing MTV hyped up (see above) which did not come close to producing. Every stinking gal in her 20s was gagging for these other clown boys of N’S to get up on that stage, pretend they still can dance, and shake they groove thangs. In the end, twitter blew up with so many broken hearts. BYE BYE BYE.

Santa. Maria. STOP!

Santa. Maria. STOP!

Fact: I would love to take Tay on a date

Why she needs to do more: Every GD awards show she attends is the same act. It makes every viewer cringe and run to their nearest cupboard to eat paint chips to the FACE. Honestly, what in ya right mind do you think constant shimmying is the right answer? You KNOW the cams are gonna be trolling you to either make out with some dude or dance like a true white person. Love the dress lady but these awk moves need to cease. I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE.

DO LESS:

Pineapples bro.

Pineapples bro.

Fact: Kevin Hart is a solid comic

Why he needs to do less: The whole time he was on stage I wanted to either mute the darn TV or change the channel. He’s usually a funny cat foshow but during the VMAs he annoyed the beJesus out of me by just yelling and putting out mediocre cracks at rando celebs that were in attendance. The only good line was the one about Gaga’s yams, but outside of that = crickets. SMH mang.

Of course you're wearing this.

Of course you’re wearing this.

Fact: Gaga does have talent in her loins

Why she needs to do less: I mean, how long is this whole “I am so different than the rest of you so let me prove this by wearing a more absurd outfit each time I take a stage” routine going to last before she gets excommunicated from society? We get it, you enjoy being INSANE and have ppl question if you are even human. Success. Can we move on now? Her performances have me more scared than watching The Step-Father with Penn Badgley, whilst alone, butt nude. Stop screaming for attn and do so much less in life. IM ON THE EDGE…OF CHRIS BROWNING YOU

Oy Vey.

Oy Vey.

Fact: …………………….

Why he needs to do less: This should be on this guy’s tombstone. Kanye West: Do Less. Everyone would understand and continue living their lives a la Russ Brand in Forgetting Sar Marsh. Kanye’s performance was a snoozer and along the same blurred lines as Lady Gaga, tries to continually 1-up his prev time out there in the limelight. Old and played out bro. You aint Yeezus

You've. Got. That. 1. Thing.

You’ve. Got. That. 1. Thing.

Fact: I LOVE 1D

Why they need to do less: Song of the summer…that’s a clown question bro. IT IS BLURRED LINES. Hands and pencils down. No more filling out ya scantrons because the answer could not be any more obvi. But, who did the pre-teen jail bait VMA voters anoint as this years winners? One Direction – Best Song Ever. This is what we call in the biz Highway Robbery. HEY HEY HEY, give this moonman to #Thicke

DO…An Adequate Amount:

<333333333

<333333333

Fact: GASP nation, you already know ’bout me + Selena

Why she needs to keep doing an adequate amount: Have you SEEN that epic dress she is rocking? Did ya notice she is setting next to another swoon-worthy lady & her bff Tay Tay Swift? Could you have possibly missed her dancing at approp times and being nothing but a classy yet sassy firecracker? SHE CAN DO IT ALL!!!!! I am ready so pls Come & Get it

TWERKKKK

TWERKKKK

Fact: Miley continues to be Miley

Why she needs to keep doing an adequate amount: The amount of haterade being chugged about this lady been in epic proportions. Breaking twitter records left n right, like it is NBD. Is she a role model? No, so stop crying about it. She is going through a tough phase in her life with her ‘rents getting a divorce and being 20, trying to distance herself from the Disney image she has been forced upon her whole life = what do you expect her to do???? Granted it was a wild performance and kinda absurd, but again, she got ppl talking her name and kept it at the tip of every tongue imaginable. And she cant stoppppppp and she wont stoppppppppp (do deal with it)

Meatlove? THROUGH THE ROOF.

Meatlove? THROUGH THE ROOF.

Fact: Justin Timberlake has more swag than you x 2

Why he needs to keep doing an adequate amount: Because JT is a God and a stud and a manimal and a dancing superstar and puts white boiz on the map by having dfloor moves you wouldn’t think would be coming out of a pale cat like that. His performance during the VMAs was so epic I legit had to put a blanket on myself to control the goosebumps attacking my body due to sheer excitement. JT, you remain an exception to the rule in how unbelievable you are & you need to never stop pumping out moozik b/c it’s sublime. TAKE BACK THE NIGHTTTTT

Dear Buffalo Bills…

Kolb hurt? No GASP there.

Kolb hurt? No GASP there.

You know what is not cute at all, ever? Being a Buffalo Bills fanatic like I am. If I ever have the miracle of

A- getting tricking some dame into marrying me

B- somehow spawning off some kiddies

The net result? Not having him become a Bills fan because I want him to have a normal, drama-free, less musty life that I have currently. I will forevs continue to lead this life whilst rooting for the only NY team in the NFL. At the very least I am still pulling for NY though, so cannot hate too much. Cough, cough to the Jets & Giants…last time I checked a map of the US of A, they play their games in NEW JERSEY aka the armpit of Amurrrrrrica. Buffalo is a wack arnold town but it still be in that NY flava flavvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!

ITS TUEL TIME!

ITS TUEL TIME!

This seas has not even started yet, and alas, I have already been crushed in the nads over and over again by the news that the Bills have had more injuries than the NY Mets which is rather tough to best might I add. 

Top 2 QBs on roster? Hurt. Kolb is concussed beyond belief and probs will never play another down in the NFL which is just downright rotten. Our draft pick we traded up for that supposedly is now the future of the franchise? EJ Manuel has a cranky knee and looking like Week 2 is the estimated time back (MAYBE.)

Best lock down CB who is ramping up his skills YoY like a G6 in Steph Gillmore? Hurt for at least 6 weeks. The guy is baby Revis and now the Bills are starting some skell in his stead. Like, seriously? F my L!

Get betta a sap Gills!!

Get betta a sap Gills!!

The net-net = Bills will again miss the 2013 playoffs and will record 5-6 wins. YAWN :(

 

Celeb Beef For The Ages: TayTay is Salty with Bestie SGo Cuz of the Biebs?!?!

Go get 'em Tay!

Go get ‘em Tay!

Major beef to the FACE alert!!! Talk about an A-list Celeb #FirstWorldProblem right about here. Here are the deets:

“Taylor hates him. She thinks Selena makes a mistake every time she reconciles with him,” a source tells GASP. “Bieber has really come between the girls.”

 

However, conflicting reports do also come up that sounds insanely believable made-up:

Swift tweeted days earlier on July 22 that Gomez was “the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.” A rep for the “Everything Has Changed” singer also reassures that “Selena and Taylor are great friends who talk almost daily.”

In summary: TayTay def hates on Biebs. Let’s not make any bones about this. Peep the GIF above, a tongue says 1,000 words there. She ain’t no Belieba. As much as GASP loves JB, we do fall on Tay’s side for looking out for Selena. Going back & forth 10x within a failed relash is not the best route. It’s quite the rough go. TayTay is simply looking out for her BFF and agree that SGo can and will do better eventually in the “male who treats her in the right way” dept.

Spoiler alert = SELENA PICKS ME.

The order goes from left to right: from like tons to SWOON

The order goes from left to right: from like tons to SWOON

NFL: Quick Hitters & Takeawayz

McNabb being McBadd

McNabb being McBadd

McBadd is back AT IT.

Apparently this fool is now clapping at & flossing his gums over at the Redskins truth of RG3 of this insane rumor:

“I honestly think that over there in Washington, he’s getting brainwashed,” McNabb said on his NBC Sports Radio show Tuesday. “He’s getting input from whoever it may be on, ‘There’s no reason to talk to him, it didn’t work out here.’”

Clearly McScabb is trying any sort of tactic to illicit any course of reaction from either his former squad or the QB himself. You may ask, why would he want to bark up this tree? It is because McSchwagg has always wanted to be in the spotlight and starves for the globe to revolve around himself. Honestly? Why don’t you leave the kid alone and enjoy being in “media” for 1-2 years before you’re “asked to step down” pal.

Go hang out with Hank Baskett…

Johnny Football getting in the stiff-arming mix

Johnny Football getting in the stiff-arming mix

Leave my boy alone!

Yes I know, you probably definitely GASP is moronic for sticking up for Johnny Football because of his latest dust up but alas, we have our own opinions dang it! Inclusive of Dez Breezy Bryant throwing JFoot under the proverbial bus, ‘Football has been under an enormous microscope from all sides of media and players alike. Could he have laid low a touch mo’ and not goto U of TX frat parties? Sure, but come onnnnnnnn. Give this bro a break for partying…last I heard, he won the Heisman (BEST TROPHY IN ALL OF COLLEGE SPORTS) as a freggin frosh! That is simply unheard of & insanely special.

Fingers remain crossed up he didn’t receive this ca$h-flow for signing a few Johnny Hancocks tho……

Pats fan all sing the Weezer lyric "say it aint sooooo whoaaohhhhh"

Pats fan all sing the Weezer lyric “say it aint sooooo whoaaohhhhh”

The golden boy hits the DECK!

Breaking news: Tom Brady, number 12 in your programs & #1 in your Boston hearts, has been injured during practice this afternoon. He took quite the ol tumble during a drop-back pass when the pocket collapsed around him in very quick fashion. Once the left side of the line went into Thommm’s kitchen, all you can see left is the red jersey’d Brady rumble to the dirt.

Video evidence the Buff Bills perhaps winning the division this year are right before our very eye:

Down Goes Terrific Thommmmmmm

 

Reason # 55,802 to Heart Miley…

Somewhere in America...Miley is still twerkin!!

Somewhere in America…Miley is still twerkin!!

She poses for pics like THAT ^^^^^^^^^^

People may be predicting her music downfall, haterading on the fact she is about to “lose her mind”, and that she is too young to be engaged…to that I say, pump the brakes!

GASP-nation applauds how unique, care-free, untamed, and unapologetic Miley truly is nowadays. She has moved on from those awk Disney TV daze into this butterfly who just wants to spread her…wings (get your mind out the gutta!!)

And we cant stopppppp

And we wont stopppppp (repn ya!!!)