Event o’ The Week: Da VMAs Quick Recap

 

Unless you live under a rock or have been on a drug binge a la Lamar Odom, you clearly have seen or peeped all or some of the VMAs from Sunday Night. Because of all the hoopla, GASP gives a quick rundown of the ppl who need to:

Do More

Do Less

Do…An Adequate Amount:

DO MORE:

The signs sum it up for me here.

The signs sum it up for me here.

Fact: I am a fan of Katy Perry and her music and her balcony

Why she needs to do more: The performance was hyped up for madddddd long previously before the show was set to air. Hence drawing up my interests and counting down until KP would rock the stage some. Welp, this never came unfortunately. The whole boxing scene was super lame, uber-forced, and did not do the justice of how great the song truly is. ‘Roar’ as a song in and of itself, rules. Plain & simple. BUT, the performance lacked the energy and fiercness I was looking for. WOMP.

The essence of :15 seconds of fame

The essence of :15 seconds of fame

Fact: NSYNC as a boy band is phenom and only #2 to BSB

Why they need to do more: Um, they were on stage for literally 12 seconds give or take a few milliseconds. WTF? Yet another thing MTV hyped up (see above) which did not come close to producing. Every stinking gal in her 20s was gagging for these other clown boys of N’S to get up on that stage, pretend they still can dance, and shake they groove thangs. In the end, twitter blew up with so many broken hearts. BYE BYE BYE.

Santa. Maria. STOP!

Santa. Maria. STOP!

Fact: I would love to take Tay on a date

Why she needs to do more: Every GD awards show she attends is the same act. It makes every viewer cringe and run to their nearest cupboard to eat paint chips to the FACE. Honestly, what in ya right mind do you think constant shimmying is the right answer? You KNOW the cams are gonna be trolling you to either make out with some dude or dance like a true white person. Love the dress lady but these awk moves need to cease. I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE.

DO LESS:

Pineapples bro.

Pineapples bro.

Fact: Kevin Hart is a solid comic

Why he needs to do less: The whole time he was on stage I wanted to either mute the darn TV or change the channel. He’s usually a funny cat foshow but during the VMAs he annoyed the beJesus out of me by just yelling and putting out mediocre cracks at rando celebs that were in attendance. The only good line was the one about Gaga’s yams, but outside of that = crickets. SMH mang.

Of course you're wearing this.

Of course you’re wearing this.

Fact: Gaga does have talent in her loins

Why she needs to do less: I mean, how long is this whole “I am so different than the rest of you so let me prove this by wearing a more absurd outfit each time I take a stage” routine going to last before she gets excommunicated from society? We get it, you enjoy being INSANE and have ppl question if you are even human. Success. Can we move on now? Her performances have me more scared than watching The Step-Father with Penn Badgley, whilst alone, butt nude. Stop screaming for attn and do so much less in life. IM ON THE EDGE…OF CHRIS BROWNING YOU

Oy Vey.

Oy Vey.

Fact: …………………….

Why he needs to do less: This should be on this guy’s tombstone. Kanye West: Do Less. Everyone would understand and continue living their lives a la Russ Brand in Forgetting Sar Marsh. Kanye’s performance was a snoozer and along the same blurred lines as Lady Gaga, tries to continually 1-up his prev time out there in the limelight. Old and played out bro. You aint Yeezus

You've. Got. That. 1. Thing.

You’ve. Got. That. 1. Thing.

Fact: I LOVE 1D

Why they need to do less: Song of the summer…that’s a clown question bro. IT IS BLURRED LINES. Hands and pencils down. No more filling out ya scantrons because the answer could not be any more obvi. But, who did the pre-teen jail bait VMA voters anoint as this years winners? One Direction – Best Song Ever. This is what we call in the biz Highway Robbery. HEY HEY HEY, give this moonman to #Thicke

DO…An Adequate Amount:

<333333333

<333333333

Fact: GASP nation, you already know ’bout me + Selena

Why she needs to keep doing an adequate amount: Have you SEEN that epic dress she is rocking? Did ya notice she is setting next to another swoon-worthy lady & her bff Tay Tay Swift? Could you have possibly missed her dancing at approp times and being nothing but a classy yet sassy firecracker? SHE CAN DO IT ALL!!!!! I am ready so pls Come & Get it

TWERKKKK

TWERKKKK

Fact: Miley continues to be Miley

Why she needs to keep doing an adequate amount: The amount of haterade being chugged about this lady been in epic proportions. Breaking twitter records left n right, like it is NBD. Is she a role model? No, so stop crying about it. She is going through a tough phase in her life with her ‘rents getting a divorce and being 20, trying to distance herself from the Disney image she has been forced upon her whole life = what do you expect her to do???? Granted it was a wild performance and kinda absurd, but again, she got ppl talking her name and kept it at the tip of every tongue imaginable. And she cant stoppppppp and she wont stoppppppppp (do deal with it)

Meatlove? THROUGH THE ROOF.

Meatlove? THROUGH THE ROOF.

Fact: Justin Timberlake has more swag than you x 2

Why he needs to keep doing an adequate amount: Because JT is a God and a stud and a manimal and a dancing superstar and puts white boiz on the map by having dfloor moves you wouldn’t think would be coming out of a pale cat like that. His performance during the VMAs was so epic I legit had to put a blanket on myself to control the goosebumps attacking my body due to sheer excitement. JT, you remain an exception to the rule in how unbelievable you are & you need to never stop pumping out moozik b/c it’s sublime. TAKE BACK THE NIGHTTTTT

Celeb Beef For The Ages: TayTay is Salty with Bestie SGo Cuz of the Biebs?!?!

Go get 'em Tay!

Go get ‘em Tay!

Major beef to the FACE alert!!! Talk about an A-list Celeb #FirstWorldProblem right about here. Here are the deets:

“Taylor hates him. She thinks Selena makes a mistake every time she reconciles with him,” a source tells GASP. “Bieber has really come between the girls.”

 

However, conflicting reports do also come up that sounds insanely believable made-up:

Swift tweeted days earlier on July 22 that Gomez was “the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.” A rep for the “Everything Has Changed” singer also reassures that “Selena and Taylor are great friends who talk almost daily.”

In summary: TayTay def hates on Biebs. Let’s not make any bones about this. Peep the GIF above, a tongue says 1,000 words there. She ain’t no Belieba. As much as GASP loves JB, we do fall on Tay’s side for looking out for Selena. Going back & forth 10x within a failed relash is not the best route. It’s quite the rough go. TayTay is simply looking out for her BFF and agree that SGo can and will do better eventually in the “male who treats her in the right way” dept.

Spoiler alert = SELENA PICKS ME.

The order goes from left to right: from like tons to SWOON

The order goes from left to right: from like tons to SWOON

The Chickeneers > The Lumineers

Get ya cluck on!

Cluck you Loooms!

Sorry about the FOWL language (unnecessary but necessary pun usage there) there, but I have to say that I enjoy this all cluck version over the Ho Hey played out song you hear on every bubble gum radio station across this fab nation. I got to witness the Lumineers live for a few songs before, and they were just OK. Decent vocals, sure. Dece musical abilities, why not. Nothing that will blow you away in the slightest though. Obvi no one can dance in this group so don’t expect any Chris BREEZY moves whilst on that stage. This is where those chickens come into play…

Jimmy Fallon makes pure gold a la KFC Big Bucket style with this remix, all memebers of the group dressed in ridic ‘stumes and clucking along in awes harmony that makes your toe tap-tap-tap-a-roo with the beat. Hot cameos provided by none other than Ron Swansong Swanson & Blake “not Lively” Shelton manning the mics and the beaks. Play, listen, laugh, repeat 3x.

I’ll take Fallon over that hump Leno ANY DAY O’ THA WEEK.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPftVQwyPs0