Dear Buffalo Bills…

Kolb hurt? No GASP there.

Kolb hurt? No GASP there.

You know what is not cute at all, ever? Being a Buffalo Bills fanatic like I am. If I ever have the miracle of

A- getting tricking some dame into marrying me

B- somehow spawning off some kiddies

The net result? Not having him become a Bills fan because I want him to have a normal, drama-free, less musty life that I have currently. I will forevs continue to lead this life whilst rooting for the only NY team in the NFL. At the very least I am still pulling for NY though, so cannot hate too much. Cough, cough to the Jets & Giants…last time I checked a map of the US of A, they play their games in NEW JERSEY aka the armpit of Amurrrrrrica. Buffalo is a wack arnold town but it still be in that NY flava flavvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!

ITS TUEL TIME!

ITS TUEL TIME!

This seas has not even started yet, and alas, I have already been crushed in the nads over and over again by the news that the Bills have had more injuries than the NY Mets which is rather tough to best might I add. 

Top 2 QBs on roster? Hurt. Kolb is concussed beyond belief and probs will never play another down in the NFL which is just downright rotten. Our draft pick we traded up for that supposedly is now the future of the franchise? EJ Manuel has a cranky knee and looking like Week 2 is the estimated time back (MAYBE.)

Best lock down CB who is ramping up his skills YoY like a G6 in Steph Gillmore? Hurt for at least 6 weeks. The guy is baby Revis and now the Bills are starting some skell in his stead. Like, seriously? F my L!

Get betta a sap Gills!!

Get betta a sap Gills!!

The net-net = Bills will again miss the 2013 playoffs and will record 5-6 wins. YAWN :(

 

Celeb Beef For The Ages: TayTay is Salty with Bestie SGo Cuz of the Biebs?!?!

Go get 'em Tay!

Go get ‘em Tay!

Major beef to the FACE alert!!! Talk about an A-list Celeb #FirstWorldProblem right about here. Here are the deets:

“Taylor hates him. She thinks Selena makes a mistake every time she reconciles with him,” a source tells GASP. “Bieber has really come between the girls.”

 

However, conflicting reports do also come up that sounds insanely believable made-up:

Swift tweeted days earlier on July 22 that Gomez was “the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.” A rep for the “Everything Has Changed” singer also reassures that “Selena and Taylor are great friends who talk almost daily.”

In summary: TayTay def hates on Biebs. Let’s not make any bones about this. Peep the GIF above, a tongue says 1,000 words there. She ain’t no Belieba. As much as GASP loves JB, we do fall on Tay’s side for looking out for Selena. Going back & forth 10x within a failed relash is not the best route. It’s quite the rough go. TayTay is simply looking out for her BFF and agree that SGo can and will do better eventually in the “male who treats her in the right way” dept.

Spoiler alert = SELENA PICKS ME.

The order goes from left to right: from like tons to SWOON

The order goes from left to right: from like tons to SWOON

NFL: Quick Hitters & Takeawayz

McNabb being McBadd

McNabb being McBadd

McBadd is back AT IT.

Apparently this fool is now clapping at & flossing his gums over at the Redskins truth of RG3 of this insane rumor:

“I honestly think that over there in Washington, he’s getting brainwashed,” McNabb said on his NBC Sports Radio show Tuesday. “He’s getting input from whoever it may be on, ‘There’s no reason to talk to him, it didn’t work out here.’”

Clearly McScabb is trying any sort of tactic to illicit any course of reaction from either his former squad or the QB himself. You may ask, why would he want to bark up this tree? It is because McSchwagg has always wanted to be in the spotlight and starves for the globe to revolve around himself. Honestly? Why don’t you leave the kid alone and enjoy being in “media” for 1-2 years before you’re “asked to step down” pal.

Go hang out with Hank Baskett…

Johnny Football getting in the stiff-arming mix

Johnny Football getting in the stiff-arming mix

Leave my boy alone!

Yes I know, you probably definitely GASP is moronic for sticking up for Johnny Football because of his latest dust up but alas, we have our own opinions dang it! Inclusive of Dez Breezy Bryant throwing JFoot under the proverbial bus, ‘Football has been under an enormous microscope from all sides of media and players alike. Could he have laid low a touch mo’ and not goto U of TX frat parties? Sure, but come onnnnnnnn. Give this bro a break for partying…last I heard, he won the Heisman (BEST TROPHY IN ALL OF COLLEGE SPORTS) as a freggin frosh! That is simply unheard of & insanely special.

Fingers remain crossed up he didn’t receive this ca$h-flow for signing a few Johnny Hancocks tho……

Pats fan all sing the Weezer lyric "say it aint sooooo whoaaohhhhh"

Pats fan all sing the Weezer lyric “say it aint sooooo whoaaohhhhh”

The golden boy hits the DECK!

Breaking news: Tom Brady, number 12 in your programs & #1 in your Boston hearts, has been injured during practice this afternoon. He took quite the ol tumble during a drop-back pass when the pocket collapsed around him in very quick fashion. Once the left side of the line went into Thommm’s kitchen, all you can see left is the red jersey’d Brady rumble to the dirt.

Video evidence the Buff Bills perhaps winning the division this year are right before our very eye:

Down Goes Terrific Thommmmmmm

 

Penn Badgley Dating Zoe Kravitz? Kiss The Baby

No more playing just the tip.

No more playing just the tip.

They are dunzo y’all. Get out the pint of ice cream, the Adele mixtapes, and ready the fetal position for GASP-like news like this one. They did have a nice run while it lasted though, gotta enjoy every moment whilst in them am I right or am I RIGHT?!

Sorrow goes out to both these cats, especially my boy slash meatlove foshow Penn Badg. The guy dated Blake “we’ll do it” LIVE-ly for mad deep only to then have a messy breakup and see her run to Canadians finest in Ryan Reynolds. That HAS to be a taylor swift kick to the pants.

Ouchtown: population Badgley.

Hang tight brotha. You need to hop on another juicy show a la Hossip Girl and just put in work with the up n comin’ actress starlets. Get in the MIXXX.

As for Zoe — keep on trying to “find yourself” and get away from your awk Dad’s so-called swag and see what other bois can poss “turn it up” for you.

Jeah Jeah JEAHHHHHH, hit me up Penn to paint the town RED…

Target logo? Might as well be a bulls-eye...

Target logo? Might as well be a bulls-eye…

TEBOW Time 2 The “Great-Tree-Its”

Tebow = Superman

Tebow = Superman

Terrific Tooooooom, getcha popcorn ready pal. You got some serious company in the QB depth charts, thanks to the recent signing of none other than Timmy Tebow.

Ensue the ESPN 24×7 coverage, the haters coming out from their RVs to spit nonsense about how TT can’t play the position, and getting the absolute enjoyment of seeing that punk/devil Bill Bell-I-Cheat squirm with each passing question that stems around TEBOWs every little action.

Apparently there is actually someone else in the greater USA that could have the same amount of meatlove as I do for #5…that being Josh McDaniels. I am rather convinced he locked Bill B in his office and refused to leave it until he could see the light (pun for God slash TEBOW) and agreeing to the fact that Tim needs to get in the mix in New England.

Wish ya nothin’ but the best TT#5.

Learn from Tommy Boy, take his job, join Buff Bills. KThxLaterz

Putcha hands on ya hip, do the DIP!

Putcha hands on ya hip, do the DIP!