Event o’ The Week: Da VMAs Quick Recap

 

Unless you live under a rock or have been on a drug binge a la Lamar Odom, you clearly have seen or peeped all or some of the VMAs from Sunday Night. Because of all the hoopla, GASP gives a quick rundown of the ppl who need to:

Do More

Do Less

Do…An Adequate Amount:

DO MORE:

The signs sum it up for me here.

The signs sum it up for me here.

Fact: I am a fan of Katy Perry and her music and her balcony

Why she needs to do more: The performance was hyped up for madddddd long previously before the show was set to air. Hence drawing up my interests and counting down until KP would rock the stage some. Welp, this never came unfortunately. The whole boxing scene was super lame, uber-forced, and did not do the justice of how great the song truly is. ‘Roar’ as a song in and of itself, rules. Plain & simple. BUT, the performance lacked the energy and fiercness I was looking for. WOMP.

The essence of :15 seconds of fame

The essence of :15 seconds of fame

Fact: NSYNC as a boy band is phenom and only #2 to BSB

Why they need to do more: Um, they were on stage for literally 12 seconds give or take a few milliseconds. WTF? Yet another thing MTV hyped up (see above) which did not come close to producing. Every stinking gal in her 20s was gagging for these other clown boys of N’S to get up on that stage, pretend they still can dance, and shake they groove thangs. In the end, twitter blew up with so many broken hearts. BYE BYE BYE.

Santa. Maria. STOP!

Santa. Maria. STOP!

Fact: I would love to take Tay on a date

Why she needs to do more: Every GD awards show she attends is the same act. It makes every viewer cringe and run to their nearest cupboard to eat paint chips to the FACE. Honestly, what in ya right mind do you think constant shimmying is the right answer? You KNOW the cams are gonna be trolling you to either make out with some dude or dance like a true white person. Love the dress lady but these awk moves need to cease. I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE.

DO LESS:

Pineapples bro.

Pineapples bro.

Fact: Kevin Hart is a solid comic

Why he needs to do less: The whole time he was on stage I wanted to either mute the darn TV or change the channel. He’s usually a funny cat foshow but during the VMAs he annoyed the beJesus out of me by just yelling and putting out mediocre cracks at rando celebs that were in attendance. The only good line was the one about Gaga’s yams, but outside of that = crickets. SMH mang.

Of course you're wearing this.

Of course you’re wearing this.

Fact: Gaga does have talent in her loins

Why she needs to do less: I mean, how long is this whole “I am so different than the rest of you so let me prove this by wearing a more absurd outfit each time I take a stage” routine going to last before she gets excommunicated from society? We get it, you enjoy being INSANE and have ppl question if you are even human. Success. Can we move on now? Her performances have me more scared than watching The Step-Father with Penn Badgley, whilst alone, butt nude. Stop screaming for attn and do so much less in life. IM ON THE EDGE…OF CHRIS BROWNING YOU

Oy Vey.

Oy Vey.

Fact: …………………….

Why he needs to do less: This should be on this guy’s tombstone. Kanye West: Do Less. Everyone would understand and continue living their lives a la Russ Brand in Forgetting Sar Marsh. Kanye’s performance was a snoozer and along the same blurred lines as Lady Gaga, tries to continually 1-up his prev time out there in the limelight. Old and played out bro. You aint Yeezus

You've. Got. That. 1. Thing.

You’ve. Got. That. 1. Thing.

Fact: I LOVE 1D

Why they need to do less: Song of the summer…that’s a clown question bro. IT IS BLURRED LINES. Hands and pencils down. No more filling out ya scantrons because the answer could not be any more obvi. But, who did the pre-teen jail bait VMA voters anoint as this years winners? One Direction – Best Song Ever. This is what we call in the biz Highway Robbery. HEY HEY HEY, give this moonman to #Thicke

DO…An Adequate Amount:

<333333333

<333333333

Fact: GASP nation, you already know ’bout me + Selena

Why she needs to keep doing an adequate amount: Have you SEEN that epic dress she is rocking? Did ya notice she is setting next to another swoon-worthy lady & her bff Tay Tay Swift? Could you have possibly missed her dancing at approp times and being nothing but a classy yet sassy firecracker? SHE CAN DO IT ALL!!!!! I am ready so pls Come & Get it

TWERKKKK

TWERKKKK

Fact: Miley continues to be Miley

Why she needs to keep doing an adequate amount: The amount of haterade being chugged about this lady been in epic proportions. Breaking twitter records left n right, like it is NBD. Is she a role model? No, so stop crying about it. She is going through a tough phase in her life with her ‘rents getting a divorce and being 20, trying to distance herself from the Disney image she has been forced upon her whole life = what do you expect her to do???? Granted it was a wild performance and kinda absurd, but again, she got ppl talking her name and kept it at the tip of every tongue imaginable. And she cant stoppppppp and she wont stoppppppppp (do deal with it)

Meatlove? THROUGH THE ROOF.

Meatlove? THROUGH THE ROOF.

Fact: Justin Timberlake has more swag than you x 2

Why he needs to keep doing an adequate amount: Because JT is a God and a stud and a manimal and a dancing superstar and puts white boiz on the map by having dfloor moves you wouldn’t think would be coming out of a pale cat like that. His performance during the VMAs was so epic I legit had to put a blanket on myself to control the goosebumps attacking my body due to sheer excitement. JT, you remain an exception to the rule in how unbelievable you are & you need to never stop pumping out moozik b/c it’s sublime. TAKE BACK THE NIGHTTTTT

GASP! ’24′ & Jack are BACK?

You got a problem? Jack will SOLVE/END YOU.

All fellow ’24′ and Jack Bauer and fans who enjoy to have their hearts beating out they chest on a week 2 week basis, there is some GASP-worthy news vis a vis this show again.

Fox executives said Monday that its drama “24″ is returning next May for a limited run that will stretch into the summer. The adventure series with Kiefer Sutherland starring as Jack Bauer ended its original run in 2010.

Awwww yeaaaaa SON. Time to fire up some old clips on YouTube, re-watch the series that are streaming on Netflix, or better yet, go out and celebrate like we all know how the REAL Jack aka Kieeefahhhh (in Babs from Teen Mom 2 voice) Sutherland does it up. Go big or go home, and my oh my does he like to go wickedddd hugeeeee. 

Get Jack Bauer some more Jack Daniels (double it pls)

The thought of this show even remotely coming back in movie form was considered a stretch and one could even give a retort such as “girllllllll pleazzzzzzzzz” and no one would bat an eyelash because of the veracity. But hey, it’s a comin and i’m a LIKIN.

When this baby is on FOX, don’t bother trying to contact me as I go “off the grid” to align with Bauer’s life…